'What if Jon had said them?' That very nearly startles a laugh from him. He couldn't imagine. He'd like to, as much as he'd like to imagine it coming from Jacob, earnest and lucid and said like a promise. But no, he doesn't indulge in either right now, that was better for late nights when the mind was allowed some peace in rest.
For now, he hesitates a moment more before breaking the silent crunch of their path. "You read me too easily." He offers to start, but it frees the rest. "I know what a dead body feels like. I've made enough of them in my time. I know a body gets heavier when its soul chord is cut, leaving nothing but flesh and muscle and none of the person behind. It's...less immediate now, but if I close my eyes and remember that moment, my arms remember the feeling of how your body grew heavier nearly all at once. It's not a scar I can show, but it lingers in my skin and aches as keenly. The way your eyes went dull and stopped seeing me. How your skin cooled under my lips...I-"
His hold tightens on Jacob's arm and he's distinctly grateful in that moment that Jacob can't see him. "That's part of why I want to hold you in them so much now, whether peacefully or in a tangle, I don't want to forget that moment, but I need the reminder you're still with me sometimes. At least until it's healed more." He shakes his head. "I should weather it better, I'm sorry...for all the death around me, it's only been twice that it was someone I loved more than anything else."
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Date: 2022-12-12 08:09 pm (UTC)For now, he hesitates a moment more before breaking the silent crunch of their path. "You read me too easily." He offers to start, but it frees the rest. "I know what a dead body feels like. I've made enough of them in my time. I know a body gets heavier when its soul chord is cut, leaving nothing but flesh and muscle and none of the person behind. It's...less immediate now, but if I close my eyes and remember that moment, my arms remember the feeling of how your body grew heavier nearly all at once. It's not a scar I can show, but it lingers in my skin and aches as keenly. The way your eyes went dull and stopped seeing me. How your skin cooled under my lips...I-"
His hold tightens on Jacob's arm and he's distinctly grateful in that moment that Jacob can't see him. "That's part of why I want to hold you in them so much now, whether peacefully or in a tangle, I don't want to forget that moment, but I need the reminder you're still with me sometimes. At least until it's healed more." He shakes his head. "I should weather it better, I'm sorry...for all the death around me, it's only been twice that it was someone I loved more than anything else."