handleyourshit: from cap by walkingdeadicons on tumblr (Fight: It Was Me)
Rosita Espinosa ([personal profile] handleyourshit) wrote in [personal profile] assassin_daddy 2022-11-01 02:39 pm (UTC)

She's already well aware because of him; because he told her he didn't remember anything while he was home, that it all hit him when he came back. When he was already here. She extrapolated from there, and still doesn't like the conclusions she came to in the process.

She drops her hand back into her lap, picking at the edges of her splint where common use has begun to wear at it.

"At first it wasn't something I was doing on purpose. In the early days it was just... panic more than anything, and I can still remember each of them. I can tell you when and where and why and how. Then I think it was... kind of a way to rationalize, you know?" She smooths her thumb over the velcro strap across her palm.

"'I'm not a monster, it's only been six people, I had no choice.' Then I didn't want to be a monster, so I decided I would always remember, so I wouldn't lose something. Now it's people who tried to kill me or my people and couldn't get the job done, or maybe a mix of all of it." She looks up, unashamed, calm. "It's just something that helps me."

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